I’ve been through the ringer these past few months. We’ve all been there or will at some point. The dark rock bottom.
For me, it was a divorce, assault, wrongful arrest and a type 1 diabetes diagnosis – all in less than 6 months.
Rock bottom can be tremendously overwhelming and isolating.
It’s the stuff of nightmares that you couldn’t have even contemplated before it was your actual life.
But here and there, the light shines through, gentle reminders that all I can or need to do is take care of myself, which then enables me to take care of my loved ones.
I could be hateful. Some days the hackles still go up.
But when a toxic thought strikes, it’s easier and easier to exercise my freedom to let go and shift toward wide open possibility.
Within adversity, change is inevitable. Pieces of my life were shattered, leaving space to create something new and meaningful.
All the adventures that were deemed irrational, the values I sacrificed in favor of “priorities,” the grand vision of my life I had set aside…it was all mine to make happen.
In the beginning, my intuition simply said: Go.
Hence, my comeback was planned (original list, updated as I continue this epic journey!):
Go solo in Puerto Rico (Scuba + Rain Forest + Beaches = yes!) Go on a scuba diving adventure Get a hands-on intro to mixology (gonna need some celebratory beverages!)
- Take a hot air balloon up, up and away
Take off on a foreign overseas excursion Get Yoga Instructor Certified (the zen tamps down the crazy)
- Snowshoe/snowmobile into a no wi-fi retreat weekend
Explore all 5 of Utah’s National Parks No list would be complete without a helicopter
- Master the guitar (I failed guitar in high school…this should be interesting)
Why a comeback?
Because in all the perfectionism and people-pleasing, I lost track of what I wanted and allowed my perception of others’ expectations to run my life.
I’m still reeling from the crazy turn my life took and how it’s impact continues to manifest in my day-to-day life, but waking up facing forward to the next new experience feels way better than looking back with anger, remorse, regret, and that soul-consuming sadness.
I do need to give credit where credit is due.
Going to jail brings great clarity on who your real friends are: the wholehearted allies who show up unconditionally (sometimes outside the jail at 2 AM), take you to a gas station to find relief and eat for the first time in 12 hours, and then help you cry and laugh through the aftermath.
Sharing my comeback is my way of paying that life-saving support they gave me forward, and owning my own story.
There’s just no better time than when you find yourself in the darkness of the bottom to stage a full scale uprising.
Thank you for being part of the journey.