Here’s to the Unknowable

I am a planner; a master at controlling every variable to produce the expected and predictable outcomes.

In my work.

I deny and fight against the unknowable in real life.

I want it to be linear. I know point y and I can plot point x. Between the two, I want and expect there to be a a straight, logical line; a clear plan of attack with quantifiable odds of success.

But that is literally never the case.

My life is messy and unpredictable and nonlinear…and everything else that drives me nuts.

Thank god.

Because, if I’m being honest with myself, the one thing I’ve learned in all my attempts at linear is that I seriously don’t know what I’m doing. Even when I end up hitting my mark, I find that the outcome isn’t actually what I really wanted.

Looking back at all of the crazy, awful, weird pivots and setbacks, the planner in me initially kicks myself and wishes I could have set a better route to bypass those pain points, but each and every pivot has brought me to a better place, with greater wisdom and clarity.

I apparently just need to take the long way around. 

Happiness and fulfillment and peace require contrast. Pain. Struggle. The humility that only comes from falling on your face in seven different ways.

So I can stop looking for brilliant answers. I can stop with the minute-by-minute planning and 10-year projections of my life.

I can also take inventory. Take space. Take a moonshot at a heading that seems to make sense, but live in the moment.

Here’s to being happy in the midst of the unknowable.